If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
