I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
