I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
