thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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