I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
