she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize