I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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