if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
