bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
