my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
where are you?
Hypothermia
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
