Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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