then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
