The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
