tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize