i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
