ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
