She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
