ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I came so hard my ears popped.
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