Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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