omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
