Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
