Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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