Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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