i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
