Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
