what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
