I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
