I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
