I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
