I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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