I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
