So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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