The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
