in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
