Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
