She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
