Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
