We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize