take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
