Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
