This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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