I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
