if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
