the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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