My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
