Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
