Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
