im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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