he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize