I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
