did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
