your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
