my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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