does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
