He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
