kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
