soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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