True but thats because hes a fetus.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
