put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
