So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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