apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize