Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
