I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
