life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
