I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
