Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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