I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My feet surprised me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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