You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She bit a glass in half.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
