I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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