i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
