Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
