I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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