maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
