I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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