As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
