I wannas sexs uuuuu
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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