how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
