remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
