only you would photoshop your dick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize