hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
