Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How naked do you want me to be?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize