So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
