just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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