I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I bet he comes in French.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
