thus making me awesome and them whores
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
