maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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