hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
