Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize