It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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