I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
