His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
