I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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