Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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