Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hippo gnu deer
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
