I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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