Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
