peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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