That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
