I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
